January 31, 2012

The Poster List

The word Posterize comes from the German word postoris meaning "to dunk another's soul through the basket." It was first popularized by... hell, I'm just messin with ya. Can't say I know the history of the word posterize, but I know what it means and I think we all know what it looks like.

In honor of Blake Griffin's early retirement gift to Kendrick Perkins, here is my list of the top dunks of all time.

10) Wade Over Perkins
Kendrick Perkins has been here before. On the same court as the last highlight, ole Scowl-face rotated late (common theme Kendrick?) and gave DWade a chance to express his fury over meeting him in the lane during his Celtic days.

9) LeBron on Duncan
This one seems to be mostly forgotten. Probably because well, Tim Duncan is so boring he can even make himself being embarrassed seem like watching grass grow. But LeBron soared SIDEWAYS and Tim took to the ground to recover. Easy Top 10 poster. *Yawns* Moving on.


8) Vince over duncan
Vince Carter Likes going over peoples' heads. We'll revisit this later.


7) The Entire NBA Over Shawn Bradley
When the Monstars took Bradley's power in Space Jam, I wondered, this Monstar WANTS the power to get dunked on? Is that a power? Sigh. Bradley's seen more black guy's midsections than Kim Kardashian. The painful playlist below neglected to included the McGrady Massacre, but being the nice guy that I am, I added that as well. RIP Shawn Bradley.




6) LeBron over Damon Jones
You got embarrassed by a guy with a nose mask on Damon. And the dunk moved up on my list simply for the way Damon puts his hand on his face afterwards. There were "analysts" on ESPN who said Damon literally signed with the Cavaliers the next season, so this would never happen to him in a game again. You got nose-masked.

5) Scottie Pippen over Patrick Ewing
This dunk didn't make the initial list, not because I hated. Only because I FORGOT. (Thanks @fivefifths lol). This dunk made the Knicks Bulls more than just MJ vs the Knicks. Pippen announced the DUO's presence. And the disrespect after the dunk is what makes middle eastern nations war with each other. I will never forget you again. Forgive me Scottie Pippen Poster.
4) Blake Griffin over Kendrick Perkins
Kendrick Perkins has a problem with rotating late on defense. Against most players he overcomes it by being enormous and making scorers think twice. But there are a few guys in this league who will make you pay. As the world saw last night. One of them plays for the Lob Angles Clippers.

3) Shawn Kemp over Alton Lister
The Griffin dunk was great. Top 5 all time as my list tells you. But let's not be prisoners of the moment. This dunk was LeBron over Damon Jones before LeBron over Damon Jones. And it was nastier. And it had double finger pointing. This is the EPITOME of:
I guess karma had to repay the Sonics franchise for this disrespect of human life, so the former Sonics (now Thunder) sacrificed Kendrick Perkins to the Griffin Gods to atone. Who else has seen any other Alton Lister highlight? THOUGHT SO.

2) Dwyane Wade of Varejao
Dwyane Wade has done this to a few people. But the way he stapled Big Bird to the base of the basket on this play is why I watch basketball. I remember watching this live and as soon as it ended all I could think of was Varejao in the Role of the Wicked Witch of the East with a house on his head.
Watch his legs kick over his head. It's like Flash followed his jam with a gust of Chicago wind. I just don't know what else to say. Just watch.

1) Vince Carter over Tall French Man
Any argument as to what was the greatest posterization of all time was put to bed the moment Vinsanity completed this dunk in the 2000 Olympics. *Sidenote* How in the name of Pete Maravich did Vinn Baker make an Olympic Team???
Anyway. Vince soars over the SEVEN FOOT TWO INCH Frenchman's head for the jam. In a live game. On Earth. The French media dubbed this dunk, "la dunk de la mort" or in English, "the dunk of death." Somewhere in tall people land, Shawn Bradley felt bad for Frederic Weiss. This dunk should be put in a time capsule, for future generations or aliens to one day see the 21st Century human at his greatest. Bless you Vinsanity.

Here's a Posterization Honorable Mention of sorts. In no particular order. Enjoy.

LeBron over John Lucas


Rookie D Wade of Jermaine O'Neal

Vinsanity over Alonzo Mourning

Blake Griffin over Mosgov

Baron Davis over AK47

Dr. J over Michael Cooper

MJ over Patrick Ewing

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